KP: Congratulations
on your first book, A Unique Life Fully
Lived. When did you first have the idea to write a book about Lorrin?
KK: In the beginning I was
lost and broken, I felt isolated and alone. It seemed that what I was going
through was something unique. In 1994, before the Internet, parents weren’t
connected as they are today; people kept telling me that I should write a book.
To be honest, I am not a writer and I just did what ever I could to keep my
sanity. Writing came easily to me, I had so much to say and I was shocked with
what was happening to my life. It was something that helped me to let go and
cope.
How long did
it take to write the book?
I started writing in
the late 90s, and have been writing off and on for many years since. The first
year after Lorrin died I traveled a lot, meditated and wrote daily. I feel that
it was my soul agreement to share our story. Lorrin came here and did her part,
telling our story is my part. In January 2013, I made my list of goals for the
year and made a commitment to myself that I would finish the book. So really it
took many years. I am not sure I will ever be done.
Was writing
a therapeutic experience?
I definitely think
that writing is therapeutic. One time, Lorrin told me, “Mom, at least I gave
you something to write about”. Lorrin was always the teacher and stayed calm;
she never became caught up in the drama that became our lives. I was full of
drama and at times hysterical. I wrote and it helped me release the emotions
and reactions to what we were experiencing. It also helped me to process with
the way that others treated or responded to us.
You have
such a special connection with Lorrin, I suspect she was with you as you wrote
the book.
When ever I do
anything such as writing or putting together a presentation, I take it very
seriously. I pray a lot and meditate; digging deep to get the true message that
Lorrin came here to teach. It always comes back to love. I ask Lorrin for
guidance always.
How often do
you feel her presence?
There are times when I
feel her so strongly that I have to check to see if I can see her. I think of
her always, every moment of every day. When I meditate I feel her true
presence, the energy of her. She comes to me in many different ways. I
often just hear her in my head. Because she never spoke with words I have been
listening for 20 years. I definitely hear her better some days than others.
There are other times I just feel her presence. I always talk to her. I still
try really hard to just listen.
Can you
share an experience where you and/or Lorrin were discriminated against? How did
you handle it and would you handle it different today?
Lorrin was always the
teacher. I felt that we were meant to share our experiences of life and answer
questions when they were asked. There were many times when people would get up
and move seats at a restaurant or the movies. I tried not to take it
personally. Yes, sometimes it just hurts. But many people were attracted to
Lorrin and wanted to know more about her. Those were always the best
connections. There were many times the city bus drivers were over the top
discriminating against her. I had to get involved once; unfortunately we could
not remedy it with kindness. I felt responsible for her and didn’t want to have
her feelings hurt over laziness and ignorance. I also felt that I was standing
up for all wheelchair users. I would do it again in a moment. Sometimes people
just need to be educated. They forget that each soul is important. I believe that
is one of the lessons that Lorrin came here to teach.
If there’s a
message you could share with other parents of disabled children, what would it
be?
I always try to tell
parents to take care of themselves first. That is the most important thing I
can share. Taking care of a child with disabilities is like running a marathon,
except you never finish. The second, would be to understand that each soul is
important, no matter their ability. Our unique children are brave and they came
here to love us and teach us.
I believe
children like Lorrin, who are born to a special parent like you, were meant to
change the world. Do you agree?
I absolutely agree! I was ignorant, scared and angry; I tried
to fix her in the beginning. When I understood that she was here to teach me
powerful life lessons I felt honored. Don’t get me wrong, it was hard, but the
payoff was/is huge. I will always have great respect for her.
What made
you decide to continue in the disabled community alone?
After Lorrin died I went to an Abilities Expo. I had been
going to the expos for many years and had worked it the last three. I left
heavy hearted. Who was I now that I wasn’t her mother? I loved being around so
many inspiring and beautiful people, it made me feel connected to Lorrin. I get
way more out of it than I give. I am a lifer.
Do you see this
as your life’s mission?
I feel that for now I
will do all that I can to help and inspire families with unique children. I
think that is what I do best. I know that there are many other parents like you
who are doing awesome jobs. When I am done there will be another person to help
families as I am. I don’t feel that it is a big deal; it is just what I love to
do.
If you could
knock down one barrier in this world, what would it be?
Judgment.
You’ve
had a lot of exposure recently. How’s your life changed since the release of
your book?
I am very busy, also I
am tired. Sometimes I say to myself, “What was I thinking?” But I know that
this is what I need to do for my soul and my commitment to Lorrin.
Do you have
any upcoming events?
I will also be speaking in San Jose, California, Georgia, and
hopefully Columbia in October. Please see KarenKain.com for the
details.
Do you have
any plans to write another book?
I am about to start work on the real part of my story, which
is about my spiritual growth and how I survived myself. Inner growth, is what I
really think Lorrin came here to teach. This winter will be the perfect time to
get it rolling.
You enjoy
hiking and the outdoors. Do you just enjoy the exercise and scenery or is it a
deeper experience?
I know moving is good for me so I try to hike
every day. I also am new to yoga. As I get older I feel this is the best thing
I can do for my body, besides eating healthily. I find that getting out in
nature and grounding myself is the best way to stay connected to Mother Earth
and Spirit. I love it! I love to meditate outdoors, but I usually walk with my
husband and dog Emma. When I first started to meditate I used to sit next to
the largest tree I could find and just breathe. Getting back to nature is free
and healing in so many ways. I loved to camp with Lorrin. It was a lot of work
with all the equipment that she required. Once the tent was set up, connecting
with the wilderness was very healing. Because I spend a lot of time thinking,
hiking enables me to just breathe and enjoy the beauty. In turn I can then
focus on the moment. That is truly living.
Thanks for
your time and we hope your book finds its way into the lives of many families
that need all the help and guidance they can get. I think it’s important for
parents of disabled children, especially those in their early years to know
that they’re not alone.
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